Bill Frank

I Hate You, God!

I was raised in northeastern Ohio. To understand the statement above, you need to understand my upbringing. I never heard my father say, "I love you". I had no close family ties and as a result, there was an emptiness in my soul that I longed to fill. In that search, I was always in trouble, either in school, after school, or at home. I had no peace in my heart, and I never felt fulfilled, no matter what I did or accomplished.

I attended church and heard all the "Bible stories" in Sunday School, but they didn't impact change or fill the void in me. I barely graduated from high school because of suspensions. Following graduation, I moved to Florida and began my job. That didn't provide me with the answers I was searching for, nor the fulfillment or peace I longed for, either.

My mother became very ill with cancer 1971, I returned to Ohio to care for her. I still remember the day she died. Upon hearing of her death, I ran out of the house screaming, "I hate you, God!" I didn't know God, so I blamed him for her death and for all the bad, traumatic events that had happened in my life.

The fall of that same year, I married my high school sweetheart and moved back to Florida, but not even a happy marriage could resolve the pain and emptiness that still haunted my soul. Then it happened! I heard about a Crusade at the First Baptist Church and chose to attend. I would later understand that it was God, drawing me to Himself.

Seated in the last pew, I listened to the message and when the decision time came, I gripped the pew and refused to budge; holding onto my pride and my pain. The hope, the help and the healing God was offering was so real, I decided to release the pew and make a decision to receive Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior. It had been explained to me that He died on the cross and paid the penalty for my sins. In His great love and mercy, despite all the evil I had done, He was offering me forgiveness and freedom. That night, He saved my soul from the hell I deserved. He forgave all my sins. He began healing me of all the hurts that had accumulated. It was amazing! I will never be the same!

Since that night, God has consumed my life with both a powerful hope and a peaceful assurance that there was a reason I was given life and placed on "Planet Earth". He had a plan for me and I was going to fulfill it.

Life has been one enormous adventure, filled with direction and peace beyond anything I could have possibly imagined. My life in Christ is so full that there is nothing on this earth I desire more than to walk in obedience to the One who delivered and set me free me. I know my Redeemer lives, and He is able to keep me until the end of my time here on earth.

"I hate you God" has been replaced with "I love you Lord".