Greg Dyer

I was Searching for Something, Somewhere

Before coming to the Lord, I spent most of my time occupied with things that I can only term as "not Christian". There was weekend drinking with my buddies, surfing the Internet in all the wrong places, and treating the kids wrong!

During the week, if things were not running smooth at work, and the kids were confusing my plans, I would search for comfort somewhere in a six-pack. I was searching for something, somewhere. I looked in all kinds of books, inner peace, spirituality, even oriental "chi". I never thought of the Bible. That was for my wife and kids, who attended a Christian school. I would often argue with my children, "Don't worry about me, I'm going to Heaven, I'm really a good guy. I don't do anything evil. I haven't hurt anybody. You guys just behave and I'll meet you there."

One weekday my wife asked I if I would like to attend a youth outing with the kids on Friday night, a kind of Christian rock concert. My mind drifted as I thought, "Rock thing huh? I like loud music, but then she said one word that made me cringe, "It's kind of a Crusade thing." I thought, "Whoa, I can't deal with all that preaching, and my Friday nights are my usual chicken wings and beer night. Boy, I'm not sacrificing that for some Christian thing". So I just gave her the old "naah, you go" and left it at that. Later on in the week I got a call from one of my wife's friends at the office. I had met him before, seemed like a nice guy, with a good sense of humor.

Boris, a youth group leader, also invited me to come this "Harvest Crusade". He was taking his church youth group and offering my wife and kids a ride ... me too. Then he started telling me he was sure I would like it, and "the Lord would like to see you there too". I reluctantly agreed. As I hung up I thought "Whoa boy, what did my wife put this guy up to?" I was shocked this guy would go so far as calling me, laying on this "God thing" and prodding me to go. I was also shocked by the fact that I said, "Yes". I wondered why. After some thought, I called my wife and said her friend Boris had called and invited me to attend the crusade. The phone was quiet. She said "and...?" I told her I accepted the offer. It was quiet again. Then I said, "So did you have him call?" "No" was the answer, and she laughed. "He's just that kind of guy, he knew you weren't coming, so he asked me for your work number." Friday came and I saw the kid's brighten up when they learned I was coming. Deb just kept smiling at me. We met Boris, and the youth group, and drove to Philadelphia. The music was actually pretty decent! The kids were having fun, I was having fun, and Deb was smiling at me.

Then the music stopped, and Greg Laurie was introduced. Well, for once I listened, and you know, he was kind of making sense. He was beating me up, and battering all my excuses for not really coming close to a relationship with GOD. Well, he wasn't going to win, my heart was hard, and as I sat there with arms folded, when he asked for those to come forward and accept Jesus. That was nice I thought, but this is really for Deb and the kid's, and all the "other believers". So I sat there when all the others went down, and smiled at Deb. Well, I resisted all attempts. Time was up and the lights came on. I made it, everyone was happy, I did my family thing, and nothing embarrassing happened to me. I didn't even realize some of the prayers being said there were for "me". What a jerk!

Wednesday came and my phone rang at work, again it was Boris, with an invitation to church? "Errr...ahhh...OK." I agreed to meet on Sunday to visit HIS church, and he still kept mentioning God, and Jesus, and telling me how he thought I'd really like it. And, get this, "how God would like to have me there". Well I called Deb and told her, she laughed. At night I talked my son Gregory into coming, figuring I'd be safe with him there. He's really is a good friend of mine, and I hadn't been in a church in a Long, Long time, and I could watch him for cues. Well, as I walked in to this place of worship, I could sense these people were here not because they had to be, but because they really enjoyed being here. Before long the pastor stepped up in front of the choir and began preaching about thanking the Lord for well "everything". Happiness, homes, health and every thing you have in life, you should show the Lord thanks. He was telling a story of a cripple who would always wait alongside the intersection across from a pond were angels would come to bless the water, and people would be cured. But the cripple would always wait for someone to take him across to the pond. As the pastor as, could some of us here today be like the cripple, waiting for somebody to help us across. I started thinking. The pastor asked, "How many times have we been at the intersection, waiting? Waiting for Jesus to help us across. And how many times have we been there and watched as Jesus passed by, and we let the opportunity go by?" I thought of myself sitting at the "Harvest Crusade" with my arms folded. Then he talked about my hardened heart, "ME." He was talking to "ME". Why was I letting my hard head get in the way. He spoke of not listening to the Lord, that it was like having shackles on. And these shackles were going to go with me to my grave if I let them. And once I was there it was going to be too late.

If I left now, with these shackles on, and shunning the Lord, He would shun me. And then the most compelling statement hit me. He quoted a scripture. "If you are not for the Lord, you're against him, and there will be a penalty for that, a penalty worse than death." And if I was to leave this church today, not believing, and had to face the Lord today, I wasn't going to make it to Heaven. "Heaven." The argument shot back to me. Was my daughter right ... I wasn't going to get in with my friendly smile? What If these Christians were right? Worse yet, what If all this time "I" was wrong. What if there really was something to not being on the Lords side. What if I did die today? Was I really letting my tough guy hardness keeping me from Heaven? Did I really have shackles on? I had a flood of emotions coming from within me. I had this funny feeling I knew where they were coming from. The emotion felt like it was pouring out of a giant hole in my heart. The same heart that a few minutes ago had a hard shell around it. My heart was now opening, getting tender. This exposed the hole, the hole I was trying to fill with drinking, parties and years of anger and searching. Now the pastor was asking for anybody who wanted forgiveness to come forward and ask God for help. "Bring me you weak and tired." God, I was tired.

The pastor said, "Now is the time to break those shackles, come meet the Lord and ask for forgiveness. Come. Don't let the Lord pass you by at the intersection. God, I wanted help, I didn't want to let anymore time pass away. I remember nudging Boris who was deep in prayer with his eyes closed and saying, "I want to go but, I'm scared". Well, I remember he grabbed me by the hand, giving me the courage to take that walk to the front. I broke the shackles. Wow. I went directly to speak with a deacon who asked me to explain why I had this feeling to come forward. I told him I didn't want to leave the church today not knowing Jesus. I really thought I was right all this time, I had control over my life and I was going to set the rules. Now I was scared, and I was so tired of fighting this battle ... of trying to fill that empty feeling with "something". I had tears welling in my eyes now, and I could see Boris knew how I felt, as I saw one of his tears hit the floor. The deacon said I could change that all right here and now, "IF" I really wanted to. But there was a price, I had to admit my sins and commit myself to the Lord.

Well there I was, decision time.

I said, "I want the Lord to help me, and what ever I need to do, I'll do." During the prayer I committed my life to the Lord. I kind of relate it to the day I was so tired of fighting and running my own life, obviously the wrong way. I said, "Lord, I'm hitting the autopilot button. Lord, please, guide me the direction you want me to go." I finished the prayer, Boris and I wiped our eyes, we all hugged, and I was now a Son of God!

But, what about Gregory? I left him back in the church pew. There he was enjoying the gospel music, smiling away. I saw Curtis again, what a grin he had Praise the Lord, another big hug from a friend who had known my fight. His wife Jacky congratulated me ... another hug. It was like joining a new family, and I now realize that I was. I walked out of the church with Boris laughing everytime I said "WOW!" Outside, I realized something was missing. I'd left something back there. I realized that my heart was filled ... the hole was missing. I felt like a new person. I told Boris I felt like the weight was off my heart. I couldn't believe I felt like a new person, he told me "You are! You've been born again."

Gregory asked me, "Dad, did you get saved today?" I said, "Yes." He looked me straight in the eyes, his eyes and smile bigger than I think I've ever seen them, and said, "That's Awesome", and hugged me. He looked at me like he had a new dad or something. He did.

When we got home, Jess ran to me and asked how church was, knowing this was a big event for me getting out to church. I told her "I had fun" and left it at that. Then as she gave me a smile of as if to say "I prayed for you, sorry nothing happened", and started to walk away when I said "I got saved today", and her precious eyes filled with tears as she grabbed me around the neck and gave me the kind of hug you get when you've been away from a loved on for a long, long time.

Deb was the last to come in the back door, and as she went to the bedroom to hang her coat, she asked, "How was church?" Knowing how sheepish I was about going, and knowing how Boris loves sharing his faith, she knew there'd be a story for me to tell. But, smiling at me coming from the bedroom, I don't think she expected the story to be so short. I cracked a smiled back at her and said, "Nice, really nice" ... and looking her right in the eyes I finished my short sentence with ... "I made a commitment today." She knew what I was talking about, and her eyes filled, too. Of course, after the hugs, I had a long story of how my giggling friend brought me to meet the Lord that day.

So now my life has taken on a totally new direction. I try my best to follow the rules laid down in "one book," showing me the "one way." I should live my life, and be the best example I can, not only for my family but, as one so thankful for God extending his hand out to help me, I should show my life as example to all non-believers, so they can see how God's grace has saved my life, and guarded my heart with his peace, so no emptiness can find a vacancy! Yes, I've been "born again". The first week or so was tough telling my close friends, but funny how they all seemed to understand. I think they could all see the happiness in my eyes, beaming directly from my heart. Some are even curious about what I've found. I'm inviting all of them to the next Harvest Crusade!